This is the line that prompted me to finish wolfing down risotto (tomatoes would be best actually roasted and not fryed as instructed in recipe) and leg it for a bath.
Now I don't know about how it is in your house but in mine a bath is a bit of an effort. I always imagine, with evrey bath that my bathroom will turn into one of those beautiful, luxurious ones. The kind that Krystal Carrington used to have. Complete with bubbles. Soft lighting and bubbles. Lots of bubbles. The kind of bubbles that actually stay up your end of the bath too and don't all scoot down to your feet the minute you get in. What else? Mmm, underfloor eating, never ending hot water. A cup of tea ( feck your wine, cup of tea would be heaven ). Oh, and something good to read. Right then, that is the fantasy. This is the reality.
Me: I'm going for a bath.
Him. Would you put the kids to bed first?
Me. NO???? Then they'll be on top of me and piddling and ...
Him. Go on then. I'll put the kids up (again! but he doesn't say that).
Wander around house finding bits and pieces needed. Something bubbly (settle for johnsons lavander babybath as all the beautiful stuff I've bought has been used by kids to squirt at each other). Something to read. Heat (more on that another day) is magazine of choice as is a complete no brainer).
Walk into bathroom where am hit by smell of pee. This, despite, DESPITE, having only cleaned the toilet upstairs a couple of hours ago. Clean toilet. Clean bath. But before I can clean bath I have to take out numerous ducks, action men, boats and bits of plastic bottles from my expenisve(ish) lotions and potions which have now been reduced to squirty bottles.
Dump in babybath. Start up water. Mmmm, hot. Get in before bath full, get in as bath filling. That way you can start off really hot and it's not a shock to the system - something about how to boil a frog. After about 4 inches of sodding hot water the hot water stops. Becomes freezing fucking cold water because someone has left a fricking tap running downstairs. Beg Darren to go up to top of house to turn on immersion. Whereupon it becomes a waiting game. How long can I sit in knee high lukewarm water before cracking and storming out? How long does it take a tank to heat up? . . . . . . answer? Too sodding long. Eventually get water as hot as I like it (am shagged when water charges/meters come in) only to realise I now have nothing to read as Heat long finished and that the Action Man hanging off the taps is freaking me out.
By some miricle I managed to doze off tonight only to wake up to find Arthur sitting on the toilet doing a giant pooh and remarking how my boobs have disappeared and my arms are a differnt colour from my body and . . . . Bet Krystal Carrington NEVER had that problem,
oh sweet jaysus! Glad you got to have the bath. Can totally relate on the following, smell of pee,toys and mini bottles for making potions!! Thanks for the tip on getting in early while it is still filling up..i dont like when I have to try and balance and not get my backside wet cos it is too damn hot!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteOooh yeah, the hover! Where you slowly sink your bum in and then bounce back up. Then you look like a . .. dunno, have scalded.
ReplyDelete