The past few days I've been trying to work out what it is that I do with my time. I mean, I'm always (nearly) shattered but I just seem to hang around. Occasionally I hook up with a mate but they too usually have kids so there's not so much of the sitting around enjoying a latte or whatever as lots of jumping up and down and shrieking 'get back', 'don't touch that' etc. etc. So, here's a basic day (let's say last Thursday):
7am Alarm goes off, snooze for 10 mins, off again, snooze again, alarm off . . . get up in a panic at 7.40.
7.40 Shout at kids as stagger past their bedroom, trying to hoosh them along. Justify myself over the lack of milk/bread/whatever to Darren as he legs it to spar (he does manage to get up at 7 and make lunches and get breakfast going). Start shouting up the stairs. Breakfast orders please???
7.50 Start dishing up brekie. One with weetabix and some cheeries/rice crispies/cornflakes on top and sugar not honey today (yesterday it was one of the above combinations with no honey but sugar instead the day before that it was rice crispies with cheeries and the bowl equially divided between both of them). Do this three times. Explain that this isn't a frickin hotel and would everyone please just tell me what they want. And one at a time!!!!! Reminded by youngest son that if this is a hotel it's a bad one.
8.00 Start trying to get toothpaste on brushes and find shoes, untie knots and get them on the relevant feet. Shout that everyone has to bring their bag in.
8.05 Brush my teeth - notice I haven't had breakfast?? Pee whilst tying someone's laces.
8.14 Scream at everyone to get into the car. Whatever bloody door they want and to sit where they normally sit. And to stop fighting.
8.16 Referee between the two in the back cos they are looking at each other and they don't like being looked at, Or they're touching each other's seats and they don't like their seats being touched. Scream at them because I cannot hear myself think and I run the VERY REAL risk of crashing the frickin car.
8.19 Go back for the missing schoolbag. Pee again. Do I have a nervous bladder?
8.30 Drop Harry off. Turn and tell the other two that if they don't stop I may just dump them on the side of the road.
8.32 Try and read book in car but really, what's the point? Will only have to reread it when I get back in the car later to restart all of this only going in the opposite direction - homewards.
8.40 Try and convince Oz to walk to the school with whichever nice mammy offers to walk him up to his class so I don't have to unload Arthur (and, everyday bar Wednesday, Finn).
8.45 Walk up with Oscar and Arthur.
9.00 Back into the car to drop Arthur - this usually goes swimmingly but it is a huge relief to drop him off as he just keeps singing yellow submarine or asking questions about why things are the way they are. Anything from 'why is the earth round' to 'why is the grass green', oh and 'why is the sky blue.
9.15 Home. Weetabix and a cup of tea. Vitamins for energy (pah!)
9.30 - 12.20 In no particular order and not necessary every day. . . washing machine empty/reload, dishwasher ditto, facebook to see other people living and having fun, hoover, dust, clean endless drips of pee off toilet bowls - none of which are mine I hasten to add. I can pee into the big frickin pot. The men in my house can't!, find toothbrushes and put them where they below, search under beds for missing socks and clothes, make beds, possibly clean windows, bit of gardening, talk to people about the cakes they want, source ingredients, pee, make a cake, source dodgy smell, change beds, go to several supermarkets in a bid to . . sorry, pee again, be frugal and clever. Move stuff from island to kitchen table and back again. Some odd law of the universe dictates that only one of these surfaces can be clear at any given time, feed dog, find dog, feed lizard and tortoise, rescue tortoise from garden, feed locusts before feeding to lizard, coffee with mates, pee, swear to all that is good and holy that today is the day that the house stays clean and tidy until tomorrow. Clean car. Go recyle. Try to remember to give tortoise her weekly bath.
But this is not a nornal Thursday, this is a Tainaste coming to the school Thursday so this is what happens
9.15 Send urgent email to decobake saying 'I need this, this and this for a cake this afternoon', leg it to school to help chop fruit for the class fruit platters - the kids are getting their third green flag.
9.30 Arrive at school, parking badly in bus space and pray for no ticket.
9.35 Start drying apples for platters. Think of all the things I could be doing - see above.
10.30 Start chopping bananas wondering why I'm there. I mean, there's a lot of other people there. Would one less fruit chopper really mess things up.
10.50 Get chatting to one mam about how there aren't enough hours in the days etc. etc. and leg it get cake server thingies. Whilst at home, no reply from Decobake - not good for me. I make several phone calls. Bank (begging), cake shop (begging) and Darren (begging).
11.15 Back at the school - stand around for ages before realising there is no way on earth I can film the flag raising and collect Arthur. Sort that out. Breathe deeply and drink half a bottle of rescue remedy.
9.30 to now. Numerous texts backwards and forwards between me and mate Carol as we try to meet for relaxing coffee. Well, pot of tea in our case. We only drink coffee when someone else makes it and adds chocolate and cream. We're going for a holiday together, just us and our six kids for week in Kerry next week and we haven't seen or spoken to each other in nearly 3 weeks?!
12.30 Fall over!!! I swear to Jesus I fell over in front of the entire school. Kids that is, numerous parents, the lollipop lady and teachers. AAAAAAAAAAAgh. Taken to office for cleaning up. I end up with a scabby sore thumb and two scabby knees. Get given out to by lollipop lady as I won't allow them to use sting-y savlon liquid on me. Hah. I'm a grown up (okay, one who frequently falls and embarrasses herself but a grown up nonetheless) and I am allowed to say no to sting-y stuff on my knees.
12.50 Film kids singin, but only after someone very helpfully showed me how to remove the lens cap, and speeches and flag raising.
1.30 Grab Oscar and then run for Arthur. Drink rest of rescue remedy.
1.45 Grab Arthur and run for Harry.
2.20 Grab Harry, negotiate with the other two to stay in the car. Not to open the car. Not to touch the radio. Not to keep with the fighting.
3pm Arrive in Carols. Drag kids out of car and tell them if they don't stop whining I really will dump them somewhere.
3.10 Hugs all around. Help take washing in and put washing out. Make pot of tea whilst Carol makes lunches. She negotiates so that she only has to make jam/ham sambos. Promises of 'something nice' if you just eat up. Stop K eating markers. Separate Oscar and Arthur. Tell Harry to leave me alone for 5 minutes to catch up. Pee. Shout at kids. Take more markers off K. Remark about the godson's very red face. Run the gauntlet of toys and bits, get to garden and settle down for quiet cup of tea and sambo.
3.12 Stop godson eatng stones. Get drinks for kids. Inhale sambo and forget about tea.
3.14 Lunch over. Have same conversation over and over as we both keep forgetting what we're trying to talk about. Think Groundhog day.
4pm Pee. Hello L. Kids go mental. More tea and hello custard creams.
5pm Leave. Fight in car all the way home because 'he said', 'he did', 'I want' etc. etc. Stop at chemist for more rescue remedy.
5.20 Walk with mate and big talk about big things.
6pm Home, but no dinner for me. Promised it but it never arrived. Hmmm, apparently I wasn't expected home after my 40 minute walk 40 minutes after I left.
6.20 Start cake stuff. Start making dinner.
7.00 Eat dinner whilst making cake stuff.
Check garden, tidy a bit, moan about no. of socks taking over the sofa, separate kids, watch some tv, go to bed and panic about all I have to do. Listen to relaxation tape for an hour. Dump relaxation tape an hour later when still not relaxed and still worrying and awake. Am I awake because I'm worrying or worrying because I'm awake.
The rest is a blur. Jesus. But I want a real job. A proper, away from the house job. Where when I do something it's not immediately done. A job where my co-workers respect me and are happy to help and the office politics aren't mental unlike where I am at the moment. Co-workers are feeling very hard done by in being expected to make their beds and put their shoes away. The politics etc are very hard to keep track of. A chance to pee ALONE. I want to do it all and stay serene. Calm. Not threaten to sell kids into white slavery. I want a decent meal for me. Not fish fingers again. I want shoes to be on the bottom step every morning where I can find them. And I want to have breakfast at breakfast time not lunch time or, like today which is a saturday and by definition the weekend and relaxed, now at 23.30. Are you allowed have a cleaner when you're husband is doing a FAS course?
Oh fuck, forgot to give the tortoise her bath.
8.32 Try and read book in car but really, what's the point? Will only have to reread it when I get back in the car later to restart all of this only going in the opposite direction - homewards.
8.40 Try and convince Oz to walk to the school with whichever nice mammy offers to walk him up to his class so I don't have to unload Arthur (and, everyday bar Wednesday, Finn).
8.45 Walk up with Oscar and Arthur.
9.00 Back into the car to drop Arthur - this usually goes swimmingly but it is a huge relief to drop him off as he just keeps singing yellow submarine or asking questions about why things are the way they are. Anything from 'why is the earth round' to 'why is the grass green', oh and 'why is the sky blue.
9.15 Home. Weetabix and a cup of tea. Vitamins for energy (pah!)
9.30 - 12.20 In no particular order and not necessary every day. . . washing machine empty/reload, dishwasher ditto, facebook to see other people living and having fun, hoover, dust, clean endless drips of pee off toilet bowls - none of which are mine I hasten to add. I can pee into the big frickin pot. The men in my house can't!, find toothbrushes and put them where they below, search under beds for missing socks and clothes, make beds, possibly clean windows, bit of gardening, talk to people about the cakes they want, source ingredients, pee, make a cake, source dodgy smell, change beds, go to several supermarkets in a bid to . . sorry, pee again, be frugal and clever. Move stuff from island to kitchen table and back again. Some odd law of the universe dictates that only one of these surfaces can be clear at any given time, feed dog, find dog, feed lizard and tortoise, rescue tortoise from garden, feed locusts before feeding to lizard, coffee with mates, pee, swear to all that is good and holy that today is the day that the house stays clean and tidy until tomorrow. Clean car. Go recyle. Try to remember to give tortoise her weekly bath.
But this is not a nornal Thursday, this is a Tainaste coming to the school Thursday so this is what happens
9.15 Send urgent email to decobake saying 'I need this, this and this for a cake this afternoon', leg it to school to help chop fruit for the class fruit platters - the kids are getting their third green flag.
9.30 Arrive at school, parking badly in bus space and pray for no ticket.
9.35 Start drying apples for platters. Think of all the things I could be doing - see above.
10.30 Start chopping bananas wondering why I'm there. I mean, there's a lot of other people there. Would one less fruit chopper really mess things up.
10.50 Get chatting to one mam about how there aren't enough hours in the days etc. etc. and leg it get cake server thingies. Whilst at home, no reply from Decobake - not good for me. I make several phone calls. Bank (begging), cake shop (begging) and Darren (begging).
11.15 Back at the school - stand around for ages before realising there is no way on earth I can film the flag raising and collect Arthur. Sort that out. Breathe deeply and drink half a bottle of rescue remedy.
9.30 to now. Numerous texts backwards and forwards between me and mate Carol as we try to meet for relaxing coffee. Well, pot of tea in our case. We only drink coffee when someone else makes it and adds chocolate and cream. We're going for a holiday together, just us and our six kids for week in Kerry next week and we haven't seen or spoken to each other in nearly 3 weeks?!
12.30 Fall over!!! I swear to Jesus I fell over in front of the entire school. Kids that is, numerous parents, the lollipop lady and teachers. AAAAAAAAAAAgh. Taken to office for cleaning up. I end up with a scabby sore thumb and two scabby knees. Get given out to by lollipop lady as I won't allow them to use sting-y savlon liquid on me. Hah. I'm a grown up (okay, one who frequently falls and embarrasses herself but a grown up nonetheless) and I am allowed to say no to sting-y stuff on my knees.
12.50 Film kids singin, but only after someone very helpfully showed me how to remove the lens cap, and speeches and flag raising.
1.30 Grab Oscar and then run for Arthur. Drink rest of rescue remedy.
1.45 Grab Arthur and run for Harry.
2.20 Grab Harry, negotiate with the other two to stay in the car. Not to open the car. Not to touch the radio. Not to keep with the fighting.
3pm Arrive in Carols. Drag kids out of car and tell them if they don't stop whining I really will dump them somewhere.
3.10 Hugs all around. Help take washing in and put washing out. Make pot of tea whilst Carol makes lunches. She negotiates so that she only has to make jam/ham sambos. Promises of 'something nice' if you just eat up. Stop K eating markers. Separate Oscar and Arthur. Tell Harry to leave me alone for 5 minutes to catch up. Pee. Shout at kids. Take more markers off K. Remark about the godson's very red face. Run the gauntlet of toys and bits, get to garden and settle down for quiet cup of tea and sambo.
3.12 Stop godson eatng stones. Get drinks for kids. Inhale sambo and forget about tea.
3.14 Lunch over. Have same conversation over and over as we both keep forgetting what we're trying to talk about. Think Groundhog day.
4pm Pee. Hello L. Kids go mental. More tea and hello custard creams.
5pm Leave. Fight in car all the way home because 'he said', 'he did', 'I want' etc. etc. Stop at chemist for more rescue remedy.
5.20 Walk with mate and big talk about big things.
6pm Home, but no dinner for me. Promised it but it never arrived. Hmmm, apparently I wasn't expected home after my 40 minute walk 40 minutes after I left.
6.20 Start cake stuff. Start making dinner.
7.00 Eat dinner whilst making cake stuff.
Check garden, tidy a bit, moan about no. of socks taking over the sofa, separate kids, watch some tv, go to bed and panic about all I have to do. Listen to relaxation tape for an hour. Dump relaxation tape an hour later when still not relaxed and still worrying and awake. Am I awake because I'm worrying or worrying because I'm awake.
The rest is a blur. Jesus. But I want a real job. A proper, away from the house job. Where when I do something it's not immediately done. A job where my co-workers respect me and are happy to help and the office politics aren't mental unlike where I am at the moment. Co-workers are feeling very hard done by in being expected to make their beds and put their shoes away. The politics etc are very hard to keep track of. A chance to pee ALONE. I want to do it all and stay serene. Calm. Not threaten to sell kids into white slavery. I want a decent meal for me. Not fish fingers again. I want shoes to be on the bottom step every morning where I can find them. And I want to have breakfast at breakfast time not lunch time or, like today which is a saturday and by definition the weekend and relaxed, now at 23.30. Are you allowed have a cleaner when you're husband is doing a FAS course?
Oh fuck, forgot to give the tortoise her bath.
..oh sweet jaysus I am wrecked after reading about your day...big hugs!
ReplyDeleteAnd that's a typical day, more or less. Need to lie down. Still, had a great day today. Went to flea market and ate, scratch that, wrestled with my falafel in the sunshine.
ReplyDelete