Right, on holidays the kids learnt how to swim. Actually, what they really learnt how to do was to doggy paddle. To say my nerves were shot is an understatement. You couldn't take your eyes off them for a second or the little shits would start to sink.
No. 2 was the first to remove his armbands which prompted no. 3. to also declare himself fit to swim. Their idea of swimming consisted of them jumping into the pool, bobbing to the surface and then furiously flailing their way across the pool, mostly under water!!
Mind you, I remember Himself entering a 'it's a knockout' type of competition in Tunisia way back in the day and jumping into the pool. The deep end. Despite not knowing how to swim. The crowd we'd gotten in with were roaring at him to swim faster until I told them he couldn't. Swim, that is. Whereupon they all started screaming 'WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Cocky shite still managed to win the competition for them.
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