08 August, 2012

So much for a gossip and a cuppa cha

I have a caker friend who I shall Ms. K.  She also has two small male children so we decided to take them all out for the day.  Alas, Mr. K needed the car so it was decided we should head over to her.
Yeah, remind me not to do that again.
I thought that we would hang around for the day, the kids would play happily.  We'd drink lots of tea and coffee and put the world to rights.  Oh, and we'd also jump up and down and WHOOOOHOOOOO loudly when Katie Taylor won her fight.
Most of the above happened.  The kids had to be coaxed to play.  We did drink lots of tea and had just about put the world to rights when Katie went and won her fight.  But as the kids had to be coaxed together we decided to take them to the nearest park where they could run around and 'bond'.  
I should have guessed the park was going to be a bigger adventure by the name given to it by the kids, 'Dinosaur Park'.  Have to say though, we all had a blast.  We found a wee beach and all the lads went swimming in their underwear.  Me?  I went paddling.  Ms. K proved she was the ultimate in Irish Mammy-ness by taking the very shirt off her back to dry the kids feet.  No, you're right.  I wouldn't have.  But she is nicer than me.  
After everyone was dried off she went on to explain the remainder of the walk: "It's down this path.  Up a steep, steep hill and over a high, high wall.  You'll have a big jump when you get over the wall but you're all big boys, right?"  
Imagine this all said in the voice of someone narrating 'We're going on a bear hunt'.  I would by lying if I wasn't starting to feel ill.  'Steep, steep hill???'  FFS, there wasn't only big boys here there was a big fecking girl.  Me.  In Converse.  You ever try and climb an eighty degree slippery hill in Converse??  And, no, I don't care that she did in flip flops.  She's the width of a willow branch.
Long and short of it?  No. 3 didn't lick his awkwardness of a stone, he got it from me.  I would have loved to see the lock of horror on Ms. K's face as I hurtled, arse first, backwards down the hill.  Towards her.  I kind've went into a weird splits thing before sliding backwards.  She did slap her hand on my arse to try and keep me upright but I was beyond help.  I told her to let go, twisted and went scooting down the hill on my bum.  Her son ducked out of the way quick enough.  Clever boy.  I was covered from my arse to knees in muck.  I'm nearly 40 for fecksake.  I'm not meant to be sliding down hills.  It's not dignified.
Got over the wall alright.  Was impressed with that but then, in a field bigger than several croke parks, I put my frickin' leg on a bloody bumble bee and got stung.
Different kids had various meltdowns and . . . . .. all I wanted was a gossip and a cup of tea.  Oh, and the drive home was interesting because she'd had each of my lads open there mouths whereupon she filled them with squirty cream.

Revenge, is sweet. So they say.

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