When to stop?

I go to mass once a month with Harry.  Next year I'll go once a month with Arthur.  Two years after that it'll be once a week with Oscar and, two years again, after that it will be once a month with Arthur.  Then no more masses.  

I only go because the kids either make their communion or confirmation.  God, but I find it boring.  I like the priest, he's a nice man but all that moralising . . ugh.

My main issue at the moment, and has been since I was a kid, is the 'Peace be with you' bit.  When the priest says 'Peace be with you' that is your cue to turn to your neighbours and, offering your hand to shake, say 'Peace be with you'.  I never know when to stop trying to shake hands.  I mean, do you only shake hands with your immediate neighbours (right and left) or the ones front and behind you too.  If you know someone one row up and three to the side is it rude not to try and shake their hand or can you just give them the nod??  

I usually try and shake hands with five people.  I try not to shake hands with people who I don't like the look of.  Chances are, and I've been proven right in this, they'll have a dead fish handshake (wet fish??).  You know it, the one where they lay their hand in yours and (in my head I mutter 'I'm honoured I'm sure') you then shake their arm wildly as they look on in horror.  Then there is the power struggle handshake.  I always try and shake hands (when meeting someone for the first time  with my hand uppermost.  Yeah, I've shaken hands with men in the Church where they've tried that move on me so, before you know it, we're practically arm wrestling.  I hate clammy ands.  Hot hands.  Wet hands (hot clammy hands??).  I hate hard hands and dry hands.  I really, really hate long nails.

I think I have issues.  

Sigh.

Hmmm.  There were a couple of people at the confo mass on Saturday that you NEVER see in Church normally.  I think it's their fault the pope has retired.  Cackle,

p.s. The above picture was published on a science website I follow with this written beside it: Today, the Pope announced his resignation. To commemorate the occasion here is Uroplatus phantasticus, the Satanic Leaf Tailed Gecko  I thought it funny and . .  well, I never trusted this pope.