26 September, 2013

I went to the beach on Sunday with a friend of mine on Sunday.  Let's call her 'Gertrude'.  She brought curry chips and a dog and two kids, I brought a bottle of juice and two towels?!  No dog and no food.  I thought we'd only be there for an hour.  Ah feck, I am never organised.  No matter how long we were going to be I still would have pitched up with a bottle of juice.  I find it hard to pack for picnics in September as I never think of them as er, possible?
Anyway, we had a lovely day out, the kids swam and tried to coax us into the water.  I had, upon seeing the sea said "Awww, I wish I had my togs" but then I stuck my foot in the water and . . Brrrrrrrr.  Not on your nelly.  No bother to the lads though.
Four hours later, the kids were tired and cold and cross and cranky and one of Gertrude's kids flipped out because there was sand in his eye, in his ears and in his trousers.  (It actually reminded me of Himself when he's at the beach)  Gerty tried calming him down but, like I said, he was cold/tired/cranky and she only succeeded in winding herself up.  Love the way we do that to ourselves.  As it wasn't my son who was flipping out I was able to gently put my hand on her arm and say "don't worry, nobody noticed (they did), he'll be grand (he was)" and probably appear quite smug.  
Yeah, that bit me in the arse.
Two days later Is'm doing the school run.  No. 1 has been dropped off and Nos. 2 and 3 are in the back.  At this point in the morning all I want to do is get the car home and leg it for a walk/chat/therapy session with the lovely Joanne.  I pulled into a space, turned to say goodbye and . . . No. 3 . . well, he suddenly realised he was wearing his school tracksuit.  Not a problem normally but it wasn't a PE day that day.  He WIGGED out.  I swear to God, he went batshit crazy:
"She's going to kill me"  "It's not a tracksuit day"  "Why am I wearing A TRACKSUIT MAAAMMMMMM???" To which I replied, in a calm gentle voice:
"She won't"
"So why are you wearing it?"
"You dressed yourself so you tell me why you are wearing it!!!"
No. 2 at this point had started to get out of the car.  
I am still trying to calm 3 down only he's not calming down.  So, I got louder and started shouting over him "GIVEMEYOURBLOODYJOURNALANDI'LLWRITEYOUANOVEYOUSILLYFECKERYOU"
He gave me his journal and I asked for a pencil.  He began rummaging around his bag and handed me an empty pencil case. 
I swear to the Gods that it must have looked like . .  I dunno what it must have looked like, all I know was I was whacking 3 on the head and shoulders with his empty pencil case roaring at him "How am I meant to write you a bloody note explaining why you are NOT wearing your uniform when you don't EVENHAVEABLOODYPENCILYOUMUPPETYOU"  
I ended up roaring down the street at 2 to come back and give me a pencil so I could write a polite note asking the teacher to excuse 2.  Mind you, I'm pretty sure that was her walking past whilst the car was rocking on it's axles.
Hmmhmmm, yup, if Gertrude had've been there she could have done the smug "don't worry, nobody noticed (they did), it'll be grand (sure isn't it bloody always)" right back at me.  Probably with a straight face too.

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