17 November, 2010

Forward planning / thinking one step ahead?

Apparently I do neither!  I know this because I was told this.  Today.  Strongly.  It is irritating me.  I am a mother of three small children and one borrowed.  A lot of what I do is 'right now/in this moment' stuff.  Albeit homework.  Dinner.  Working outside.  Working inside.  Some stuff I do plan ahead.  Christmas.  Dinner.  Cleaning the house.  Trips out and about.
I'm being got at because 'their' life is not what they wish.  I was the first to cross their path.  I resent being blamed for not thinking far enough ahead.
I have discovered that life has a funny way of happening whether you plan ahead / think ahead / worry.  Sometimes you do all the planning / worrying and things DON'T happen.  So you can plan and worry for something that may, or may not, happen  so just get on with life and deal with it as it comes along.  
That's what I'm doing.  My chaos does get to me sometimes.  Sometimes it really bothers me that I don't get to finish cleaning something and the cleaning stuff is scattered all over the house.  But most of the time it doesn't.  Sometimes it bothers me that I'm not at a point in my life where life is not a worry.  Have seen and heard too  much lately to know that things can change and twist and throw everything up in the air.  Therefore I'm just getting on with it.  Head down.  Moving forward.  I have healthy children.  A loving family (sometimes).  A clean home (sometimes).  Great friends.  Food in the cupboards and petrol in the car (this is my main concern - as long as I can fuel the car I/we can go anywhere.  
I'm not that fucking rose-tinted that I think that life is bloody wonderful but I can't keep looking at the what-ifs.  The dark side of it.  I have a kind've sadness in me, right at the very bottom (near the toes) and looking at the grey and the darkness of life, worrying so much I can't think straight can . . . well, I don't know.  I've done my utmost to avoid it.  Whatever 'it' may be.
Life is life.  Happy, sad, fun, wonderful.  Ultimately utterly wonderful.  I don't plan a head too far because, as someone once said and I think it may have been Eddie Izzard, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.  
So, you.  Yes you!!!  The one who told me that my forward planning left a lot to be desired.  Piss off.  Leave me be.  Everyone in my home is warm, clothed and as happy as you can be when you're small and no one really listens to your opinion and you're made go for walks that you don't want to go on.  When you're made do homework that you really don't care for.  That's all I care for.  Fuck everything else.  Everyone is warm, healthy and, all things considered, happy.  So please, stop pissing on my parade.


  1. love this!! Fuck the begrudgers!! Warm, healthy and happy is all that matters. Anyone who says otherwise hasnt a clue what life it xxx