20 February, 2012

I neither know what to say or do.

I wrote yesterday about how I was being accused of cyber bullying but that the woman who was accusing me, amonsgt others, wouldn't name me.  Today I was sent this by a friend on her page.  I don't know what to do.  I have deleted names and just left initials for ease of reading.  I've changed the font, because I like my font.
I don't know what to do about this woman now.  I don't like that she is creating this image of me.  The only thing one has in life that is truly of value is ones name.  She is taking my name in vain.
I am not a bully.  Disagreeing with someone does not make you a bully.  I have no idea what she is talking about with regard to the man in Melbourne although I am friends with the man in Melbourne.  He's the man whose dog she ran over a couple of years back.  So to call us strangers when she has sat in our houses and drunk tea with us is bloody crazy.  
Anyway, here you go.  An insight into the woman and her friends who are taking up far too much headspace in my head.  
HR.   having a problem & maybe someone can advise. We have a FB site for our estate & 3 women who I do not know & have never met are savaging me on it. Their comments & language is appalling. There is nologic or reasoning to them. Many of my neighbours have stood up to them ( virtually) but nothing stops them. I dont want to leave the site which has local benefits.the administrator is clearly their friend & supports them until it gets too vile. Any suggestions? It's really upsetting & becomIng personally damaging.  & I can't locate a report button.
ML  Hmm. That's a toughie. If you are on a site and the admin are useless, you are virtually powerless. This is a group here in Facebook, right? And there's only one Admin? I'm kinda stumped. Are you sure, it's beneficial to stay there?
Saturday at 22:56
HR,  There used to be a report button. I saw it once& meant to use it. Now I can't find it.  I'm seriously really upset by all this. It's Luke being back with the bullys & in-bitches in school. If I can see it i have an idea I can damage limitate by offsetting with people who know me & what I'm like. I think they must be in their coven drinking & bitching online. It's unbelievably hurtful.
Saturday at 23:00

ML.  It sounds horrific, I agree. I can't imagine. But... I'm not too sure how much success you'll get with the report button, or what it will achieve for you. These people who have stood up to them? Would they consider moving (with you) to a new FB group, if you made your case to them?
Saturday at 23:03

DST.  Blast them with Piss
Saturday at 23:06 ·  2

ML.  H, if you block that person then you can't see them on FB and they can't see you anymore. All interactions cease... Would that help?
Saturday at 23:07

HR.  Hnmmm. There's about between 12 or15 who have stood up for me against the clique of 3 or so. But there are 300 on the page. I'm getting extremely worried about my " brand". I don't know a lit of the people & they will only know what they read. Most are silent but that didn't mean theyre not watching. This has been going on for months & you can't contradict them as they just savage you . It's really horrific.
Saturday at 23:07

ML.  Jeez.
Saturday at 23:08 ·  1

DST.  Want me to join, i can wind any fcuker up on FB :-)
Saturday at 23:08 ·  2

HR,  O ; I didn't know they couldn't see you if you blocked them. I'm not sure that's the way it goes? Are you sure?
Saturday at 23:09

HR,  ( I like Ds idea too!!! Preferably an elephants)
Saturday at 23:09

ML.  Well, I didn't think of it (it was suggested to me) but, afaik, the blocking works both ways, yes. They can still bad mouth you, of course, but they can no longer see your FB activity. In fact, and this is just a guess, if both you and a blocked person comment on a mutual friends page neither of you will be able to see the other's posts. It's been a while, but I have blocked two people and I think that was how it was supposed to work.
Saturday at 23:11 ·  1

HR,  Thanks  D; I'd LOVE that!!!! But the admin is their friend & would bar you immediately ! ( it's Drynam Hall FB page) ... GK, Niamh meire Gerraghty, & S someone; & their mate who lives in Ausrtalia L someone. Maybe you could line up a few elephants with diarrohea for them! : ) Thanks for the offer thou!!!
Saturday at 23:15

Saturday 23:19

HR.  Yea; there's a particular reason why I want/ need to stay on the page as there's a kit logistically going on & it's very helpful, but these 3 are evil. I only hope by not replying & letting them run themselves out that people will see them for what they are , but it's so hurtful. And it's getting so evil that I am very concerned that it will rub off . If you throw enough venom...
Saturday at 23:25

ML.  Always a bad thing where there is only one admin for such a large group. How the heck did that happen? I know what I would do. What I usually do in this kind of situation... play a long game. Namely, over the coming months I would make it my business to make many people in the group aware of the need for a more traditional structured system, ie three admins, at the very least. Not on FB, but I've had to fight my corner in a few online communities over the years. Nothing as drastic/hurtful/serious as what you have going, but important nonetheless. And, I made it my business to indirectly raise awareness of flaws in the system and get previously indifferent people aroused and proactive. For as long as it took to set things right. There's no instant gratification, but there is a way to see justice done, and there's enormous satisfaction in knowing that you are the only person in the (virtual) room that knows what the endgame is.
Saturday at 23:26 ·  1

ML.  Not my idea... Set up a fake profile, and join the group under that name. (Not sure if that would apply in a group of people that live locally.)
Saturday at 23:30 ·  1

HR.  Hmmmm.  I like that , but I dont see that happening here: admin is really part of the problem: for any of he appalling visit filled foul language rants she could have barred them in a heartbeat; instead she let's them run & run.  There's discounts for local businesses & i think she creams a lot of freebies for posting stuff up: whatever; I don't see her ever loosening her claws . Like the suggestion thou; might play subtle with it as you suggest. I think her handling if it has shown her up a lot & now people are commenting on that. She won't like that for sure so that's good. But this afternoon & evening it won't help me at all
Saturday at 23:32

ML.  Further to my idea above. (This is what I would do.) I would establish another group. Something with a build-in timeframe. An event of some sort. Something that needed participation from lots of residents. Get them into that group. Or, at the very least, PUBLICISE the group a lot to this group. Stressing that you need three volunteers to act as Admins, quoting examples of why this is needed. But do this as part of other info, or it will seem too obvious. Anyways, you are thusly planting the seeds of democratic organization in the hearts and minds of all readers. This, then, is the foundation.
Saturday at 23:34 ·  1

HR,  Y I thought Of that : ) but I do t want to spend my time being an online secret jeckyl &; Hyde : (  I just want to sniff daisies &; pet puppies
Saturday at 23:36 ·  1

HR,  Ah. I got your post now.  Hmmmm.  Will ponder.Thanks for the thoughts &; support.
Saturday at 23:38

Saturday at 23:38

CB.  Whatever you decide to do you should definitely take a screen grab of every time your name is mentioned on that page and save it as a jpeg. If this should become an issue in the future you want to evidence of the comments that were made against you. If the admin is friends with these people they can collude to delete the comments.
Saturday at 23:59 ·  2

CB.  Making libellous comments about someone on facebook is no different to libelling them in print or over the airwaves. Keep copies of all comments.
Yesterday at 00:02 ·  1

MAG.  Hun, life is too short if it's making you miserable. Report the abuse to Facebook. If you don't want to then let me know how to get on the group and I'll report them.
Yesterday at 00:18 ·  1

HR.  The admin is their friend &; deletes comments that are put up to support me : it's twice as upsetting to see that. But at least others know independently that that is happening so I feel really trapped in this ; it's a total nightmare &; I work off an iPhone. Can you save or screen grab from that? Probably not Poison in your pocket.
Yesterday at 00:20
DM.  Helen, this is terrible, whatever you do don't have any regrets about your action, whether that is to keep the moral high ground or launch a cunning plan. BTW is there an agency you can report this too, ofcom? or such. YOu might want to keep a record of all such comments as mentioned above and maybe if it drags on too long seek some legal advice. This is a terrible thing to happen and try not to take it personally, these are just sad individuals who live in a very small world.
Yesterday at 00:22 ·  1

COD.  There is def a report page/group option - it is on the left sidebar on pages but not sure if that's where it is for groups. If its not on the left check the top right had corner and go through options there - it's somewhere
Yesterday at 00:23 ·  1

HR.  Thanks D. I know people are good. I hadn't thought of ComReg... Might be worth a try. : ) A while back ( months) one of their husbands posted a description of what he would do to me that was so evil my neighbour sent her husband in to me : 11pm. It's beyond smart remarks. I'll give that a try Monday &; take a few screengrabs. Thanks guys.
Yesterday at 00:27

HR.  Thanks C.  I'll get onto a real PC tomorrow & do that. Thanks.
Yesterday at 00:29

DM.  Sweet MOG, that's a threat, report it to the guards, that's what they are they for.
Yesterday at 00:33

HR.  Youve no idea; they don't give a ¥*^$  Apparently I have to wait until he comes through my window and slashes my face.
& that's official.
Yesterday at 00:38

HR.  But. The man was posting from Melbourne; we found out; after an hour of hysterical phone call g & running door to door by my lively neighbour. In-f-ing believable. Husband of one of the strangers friends.
Yesterday at 00:39

HR.  Orwellian.
Yesterday at 00:40

SF.  Call the guards H and let them know the threat you feel you're under. Keep a record and go into the guards and show them on Monday. That's too serious
Yesterday at 00:41

HR.  Sorry S & thanks. That incident was a few months ago; not tonight. And I did. And their official line is ; we cant do anything until he does it. Then we will press charges.
Yesterday at 00:44

SF.  I think an official report to the guards that you are being cyber bullied would still be a good idea with the evidence of screengrabs Helen. Some legal advice would be good too - a solicitors letter can sometimes concentrate the mind and being labelled as a bully is very bad for business. Sorry you're going through that xx
Yesterday at 00:53 ·  1

SF.  Don’t  let them get in on your head Mrs xx
Yesterday at 00:58 ·  1

HR.  Thanks S.  Xx
Yesterday at 01:10

KN.  Hi H Our estate has a FB page like yourself but we have 2 people who operate the admin on FB and we make sure they don't add anybody that is not living in the estate and monitor it.Every 12months we elect a new Residence Association who then in turn have the access to FB page.I,m hoping you's have a Residence Association in your estate and if not get 1 going and take control. Can't believe this 1 admin person is getting away with this and causing hardship on your behalf. best of luck.
Yesterday at 01:14 ·  1

HR.  Thanks Keith; that sounds like a much better model. :€ you live & learn I suppose; never thought people could be so malignant.  Youse have all made me feel much better & have out a few thoughts & action scenarios into my head thou . Thank you all very much.