13 June, 2012

Bad Mammy? I knew it!!

No. 3 thought his mammy was hilarious!!  Not.

It was no. 3's birthday on Sunday and, like the other two, he gets one BIG birthday party at home before he leaves the Infant School.  This was his year.
What a pain in the hole (remember I said that by the way) it was to wake up at 9.30am without someone jumping up and down on our heads.  "Not like him to not be up here nicking our phones by this hour" we said to each other.  So I got up, I had stuff to make and all that jazz.  I passed by no. 2 and 3's bedroom and saw that the blinds were still pulled, no biggie here - sometimes they are pulled for 72 hours with the kids rising and retiring to bed in the half light.  We'd bought no. 3 a bike, who knew bikes were so expensive??, and I saw that it was still at the end of his bed.  I assumed he had gotten up and bailed downstairs to watch youtube videos of other people playing Sonic Games, yeah!  Seriously!!  But no, he was still in bed and he was w.a.s.t.e.d.
I called Himself and we tried to rouse him with a chorus of Happy Birthday to Yooooouuuuu.  That didn't work, he just kept muttering that he was tired.  Suddenly he leapt up and started babbling shite which is where we got a tad concerned and felt him.  He was roasting.  Our thermometer was used one too many times on Monkey so we've lost all the safety covers and it will only take ones temperature if the 'seal' things are on - you know?, they stop your ear wax going into someone else's ear.  Course you do!
Anyway, he was hot and I was bothered.  The magician was booked.  As were 15 kids.  Never mind the cake and the rice crispie cakes and the jellies etc.  I went downstairs to find our medicine box and discovered the Calpol was solid, put the bottle in a cup of boiling water and when the medicine became liquid I gave no.3 as much as I could squeeze out of the bottle.
Then I rang Mrs. C.  She was rushing off to Hot Yoga (she's being so wonderful I may have to lose her as a friend) and she advised Paralink Suppositories.  I vaguely remembered having them in the downstairs loo and legged it down and got one.  Thinking, as I rushed back upstairs, 'packaging is different'.  Eventually, and I do mean 'eventually' he let me insert the drug.  Jesus, it's awful.  Ugh.  Himself refused to have anything to do with it and said 'it was wrong'.  Lucky thing he doesn't live in France as that's the only way they take their medicine.
The child in question perked up, well you would, and he begged that we didn't cancel the party.
So I didn't.  
Ten minutes before the party was due to start he asked me to cancel it.
I went for the Paralink again.
Hmmm ...................... this time I looked at the packaging.
It wasn't Paralink.  It was something else.  I gave him the French People's medicine, our lovely neighbours are back, and vowed to mention my cock up to no one.
But you know me!  I had to mention it to someone so, when the party was nearly over, I sidled up to the lovely J and C and said 'I gave this to no. 3 thinking it was Paralink' whereupon J started cackling and C said  'It looks NOTHING like Paralink!!!'.
They googled it.
No. 3 need not worry about piles for a while.


  1. Nooo! But it could have been worse...at least it was intended for that region!

  2. I swear to God!!!! Too true re. nether regions. LOL