29 October, 2012


I ask because last night no. 2 did the funniest thing.  His cousin, the 49 year old MG, mimed winding up his middle finger at him so . . he retaliated by sticking his thumb into his mouth, giving a big blow and Up went his middle finger.  Himself and myself nearly pissed ourselves laughing.  It was funny because it was so unexpected.
Earlier in the day Himself had splashed himself on the hot tap and cursed with a vengence.  When I splashed him with hot gravy ten minutes later he let rip again.  No. 2 just said 'swear on dad', which kind've shut him up.  
Thing is, me and Him swear like troupers.  We're brutally vocal.  We take turns too in giving out to each other about our effing and blinding and  . .  worse.
Thing is, I find swearing very effective.  The sharper the word the better.  Seriously, do you really say damn or drat when you bang your toe or do you hop around going fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck?  
I do, obviously.  I do know someone who says 'sugar'?????
Recently, my mate asked her daughter (while I was in their house) what the kid in school had said about the teacher VIA THE SCHOOL WIFI SYSTEM, dope!!  She replied 'she said she's a cunt'.  I think I just about managed to keep my jaw from hitting the ground.  It sounded so oddly innocent and ineffective coming from a 13 year old's mouth.  It's funny but that word doesn't bother me at all.  It's sharp and to the point and some people are, simply, cunts.  
I do like the way the Irish can insert the word 'fuck' into any word, 'you are infuckingcredible' or 'unfuckingexpected'.  We're great like that. 
Himself, as a kid, used to see how many swear words they could fit in as quickly as possible.  They came up with "gee nude bollox wank fuck mickey".  Funny.
Crikey, she says, coming over all 'Famous Five', the kids will be mortified reading this when they're older.  
Now, here's the thing, I hate to hear other people swearing.  It really pisses me off to be surrounded by a group of young wans.  It's fuck this, fuck that, it's fucked, that's fucked, it's a cunting bollix fuck fest.  
Yeah, it kind've hurts the ears.  Mind you, that's why I mostly drive everywhere.  I'm trying to stop swearing myself.  Not because I have come over all 'vapours' like and  . .. whatever.  I'm just trying to cut back on the amount of times I say 'fuck' every day.  It's going to be hard.  Harder than some of my friends find cutting down on the aul' vino every night but it has to be done.  I reckon I'm up to about 40 fucks a day.
That's excessive.  Right?  So, from now on, I'm going to do my best to only say 'fuck it' if I hit a bit of me off something.  Or I knock something over.  Or the kids spill something. Or I knock over a gin and tonic.

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