16 December, 2012

That's God punishing you!!

At least that's what Himself says when something happens to you for no reason or when you are grumbling about something.  Ironic really because he doesn't believe in a God, he believes in Himself, cackle, with a capital 'H' and all.  
Yesterday I had to go to mass with no. 1.  I thought it was a Confirmation Mass and I'd get to catch up with other pissed off mammies but no, it was a regular Saturday evening mass.  A mass for those who want to go on the lash and stay in bed the next morning.  
No. 1 has to do 3 readings as the other two kids haven't turned up.  He wasn't impressed.  Neither was I as we had to sit up the front of the church, second bench from the top to be precise.  So I'm there, listening to the waffle and really marvelling at those who seem to be enjoying themselves when the priest started on about being good Christians and how being Christian is the only way to be.  That kind've annoyed me.  You don't have to be Christian to be a good person.  That wankstain who killed 28 people in America this week, he was a good Christian.  A Christian group said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "if those kids had've prayed properly God wouldn't have taken their lives"'.  Mindblowing really.  
Anyway, our man on the alter is banging on about why Jesus loves us all and we'll all have everlasting life if we believe, like, really believe.  That pissed me off.  
So there I am, grumbling away to myself in the second row from the front when I heard a snap and felt a pain in my left tit that nearly had me scream.  The bloody wire in my bra had only snapped clean in half.  As it was a good bra, the wire wasn't nice and bendy it was rigid and bloody sharp.  
I yelped, No. 1 looked at me and hissed "what's wrong?"  I muttered back "My bra's just broken and I think I'm bleeding!!!"  He got a fit of the giggles and we got nudged from Holy Joe behind us.  I sat there, trying to wriggle my boob away from the raw wire and prayed, ironic huh?, for communion to start so I could sort the mess I was in out without being in direct eyeline of Father something or other.  Eventually, everyone started going up for communion and, in the melee, I managed to get the wire (or half of it) out of my nipple!!! When Harry got back to me, gagging slightly because the wafer makes him feel sick, he saw I had blood on my hands and went "wha'???? with his eyebrows. I explained the wire had cut into my nipple, he went green and said "Jesus, mam, I'm only 11, I don't need to know this". He's right of course but Jesus, a stabbed nipple really hurts.  
Will always have to consider, now, that Himsself was right and that God, was indeed, punishing me.  


No comments:

Post a Comment