21 April, 2013

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

No. 1 had a football match this morning in Corduff.  I'm not really that into standing on the sidelines so I took the younger two to the zoo.  Up and out and in the zoo by 9.50.  Not bad for a Sunday morning eh?  
No. 2 wanted to bring bread to feed the ducks.  Said ducks were obviously punishing him for not having bread the previous 6 times we'd been there a they refused to even look at his offering.  Which suited us, we got to do something far more glamorous .  . peacock feeding.  So, up yours Ducks!!
Mind you, they got their revenge.
Ducks.  Hmmm, you ever seen them mating?  We did.  Today.  Jesus.  It looks so vicious.  You basically have one female duck hiding in the bushes and three mallards waiting to hop on her.  The first duck to get to her grabs her by the neck, which looks very thin and soft, pushes her neck into the ground and hops on her back.  All the while bumping away and holding her neck while she struggles.  Then, he hops off and another bugger hops on and repeats the above process.
No. 2 got upset and said "mam, mam, the ducks are fighting, they're hurting her".  
Which is where I should have left it.
But no, not me.  I had to explain that they weren't fighting but, in fact, mating.  Oh dear.  It's all Geraldine Arnold's fault.  I used to be able to lie without pausing for breath.  Not any more though.  Pants.
I explained that what we were looking at, through gobsmacked eyes (if you can have such a thing) was a er, nice thing.  The wonder of life etc.  "This is how ducks make baby ducks, he erm, puts his seed into the female duck and, when it reaches her egg, it makes an . . . egg??"
No. 2 was happy with that.
No. 3 wasn't.  "What?  How does he put his seed in?  Did daddy do that to you, pin you to the ground with his hands around your neck, to make us?  How do you get the seed in?  Does it hurt?  It looks like it hurts.  Mam, make them stop!!!!  I'm never putting my seed in anyone.  Where is my seed?  Do I have seed?  Does it look like carrot seeds????"

Yeah, should've left it at "they're just play fighting"

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