01 May, 2013

Why I haven't been on so much

You know that person you bump into every now and then, the one you see coming towards you and you think 'fuck, did they see me. . ?' before chucking yourself into a bin to hide?  Yeah?  Well, that person is me.  
I don't know what's gone wrong but I have been a miserable bitch for the past four weeks.  I'm blaming the water, am drinking a lot of it you see, as apparently fluoride is really bad for those with a er, inclination towards being somewhat depressed.
I am so tedious when miserable but if meeting face to face, or on the phone, I can put on a good show of whooohoooo isn't life fabulous dahling but not so great when typing.  I find it hard to lie when I'm typing (something for you to remember Ger).  I can't pretend to give a fuck online.  Kind've nice though as it means you can just bail from twitter and facebook etc. and gain so much tv catching up time.  If only you were in the mood to watch tv.
Being miserable is a pain in the arse.  Too miserable to do anything other than growl at those nearest you or hide in the hot press because the noise is pushing you to distraction.  
Yup, pain in the hole.
One of the plus sides of not keeping up with the online typing is that I have watched three series of The Good Wife and still managed to get eight hours sleep every night.  The bad side is, well, you get lonely.
But, I think, life is veering back on track.  I am typing, lucky you (she thinks ), and trying to put a funny spin on it so things must be improving.  Oh, and in my 'poor me' phase, that wasn't really about me going 'poor me' a lot more me going 'snarl' a lot I noticed several things.  Wanna hear them?
No. 2 is, unfortunately as he's only 9, growing a tache.  He's not happy.
Although, as no. 3 pointed out, it could be worse.  You could have a belly that looks like it contains triplets!!  (Poor A. still has a baby belly, I love his little pot).
No. 1 is a moody bastard, his hormones clashing with my 'meh-ness' isn't pretty.  Plus the bugger keeps nicking my hairbrush, concealer and gel.  Bugger.  However, he got Man of the Match today and all is good.
Sometimes being miserable attracts other miserable sods.  Isn't that a fucker?  You are down in the dumps so along comes someone to add their shit to your pile of shit and, before you know it, you're drowning in poop.
It's hard being the one doing all the work.  I think that's what brought this on to be honest.  Himself is back at college which means I'm running house, running kids, borrowing a boy, caking, talking, invoicing, and everything else and I am worn out.  I did broker a deal where himself (not worth a capital 'H' at the moment) would do three things: Clean the bathroom/toilets once a week and a quick wipe midweek, put the ironing away and clean out the cars once a month.  Yeaaaah, he didn't last the first week.  That's not fair and it's making me angry and when I get angry he throws his eyes to heaven and shuts down and then I get angrier and . .  go to bed.  
I love him quite a lot you know but, right now, I feel like I'm a one woman operation.  It gets worse when the weather gets better because you want to take the kids to the park etc. but if you do that then your work is building up at home.  I never thought I'd be one of those women who would give a shit if her floor was clean but it turns out I am.
Anyway, long story short.  I am learning to prioritise.  Cakes/house in morning.  Kids/Park/Dinner in evening.  Cakes in evening.  
Me time?  I get to dance like a maniac from 9.05 to 10am.  Oh, and now type to you.

Aren't you glad I'm back?  Cackle.  I'm here, I'm just struggling but isn't everyone?

Mwah xxxx

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