10 March, 2012


A friend called up last night for Indian and beer and it was lovely.  For background noise, and to take the pressure off the conversation, I had the telly on.  You know how it is when there's just two of you, you feel obliged to keep the conversation flowing whereas when it's with a friend you've had for donkeys you'll happily ignore each other and get stuck into a magazine or fall asleep (hello Ms. C and Ms. Urban).  Well, this is a new friendship and the telly is useful.  Don't feel bad about it either as she did it to me.  
Anyway, I'd put on TV3 as there is always shite on that on a Friday, actually scratch that, ANY night.  It's pulp tv at it's worst.  But, I digress, the programme that was on was Talifornia (oh, and you must be over 18 to watch the link.  Says it all really).  Don't know if you've heard of it but GOOD GOD?!??!?!
It's like the Real World that used to be on MTV (back when MTV was good and was all about the music, sigh - remember those days?) only the 'housemates' are less beautiful and less angst-y and more Slapper-ish and . . . I'd call them Muppets but that's insulting Muppets.  Okay, let's see . . .they're skanks.  Classless.  Awful, horrible, nasty people.
But it was very funny.  In a 'looking through your fingers and thinking "oh Jesus, her mother must be mortified' kind've way.
First things first.  The house they're in, it's gorgeous.  I don't know where it is but it's three floors of big windows and huge rooms.  Oh, and a pole (for dancing) in the middle of the sitting room.  The 'stars'?  Well, they are 3 girls and 3 boys from west Dublin who are living life to the max, man.  'They live hard, they party hard' etc. etc. etc.  Yawn.  Which means, I imagine, that they go to Club Diva a lot.  Jesus, I pity the poor people of Tallaght, what a bad example of people from Tallaght.  Heheheh, I wonder if this is what the Blackrock Massive had in mind when they refused to move the Sugarcraft Guild there.  'Ugh, Tallaght.  NEVER!!!'  
Sorry, off on a tangent again.
So.  These young one and young fellas who don't look that young or at least look old enough to have more sense are awful.  One of the girls "Ni....Keeee....taaaaaaaaa', well, I know how she likes to get waxed and I've never met her!  She gave some fella she really, like, fancies a display of her pole dancing skills, she also gave him a lap dance.  Which is how, unfortunately, I know how she likes to be groomed.  Yer man she was dancing for had failed to pull that night so he shagged her because he knew she'd be up for it and fancied him.  She was and she did. 
In a bedroom with no sheets, no duvet cover, no pillow covers and a squeaky bed.  Cackle.  The bed was squeaking and banging against the wall and the camera crew were filming away and OH JESUS.  WHAT MUST HER MA AND DA BE THINKING????????????
Mortified for her.
But, here's the really funny thing.  Me and my mate were staring in horror at the telly not JUST because of the crassness of it all but because the house was filthy!!  How sad are we??  While that er, couple, were banging away all me and A. kept saying to each other, in shocked tones, "but there's no covers or sheets on the bed".  Yer wan's hair extensions were all over the place.  Literally.  She was shedding them as she drunkenly/seductively fell/wandered through the house (with yer man behind her holding onto his willy like ... I dunno).   Then there were towels everywhere, just dumped in corners and on the stairs, lovely white towels ruined with fake tan.  Myself and A. were freaking out at this point - nothing like being chief bottlewasher in your house to make you lose your reason at towels on the floor.  
The kitchen was manky and sticky looking and ...............OH BUT THE HORROR.  
Great night.  Myself and A bonded more over a dirty house than we did over discussing the joys of being the mother to boys.  
Mental.  Watch the programme, it's on Friday at . . something o'clock.  It's mind blowing.  


  1. It's mad isn't it! We hate watching it, and yet, we seem to have seen every episode so far!
    I never even noticed the dirty house...how bad am I! I did notice lots of fake tan everywhere, on everyone though...We just kept noticing the boobs on the other dark haired one...can't remember her name! I thought they might pop out of her dress!

  2. I think I'm going to have to watch it again next week, just to be sure you know? I need a life if the only thing I notice on tv is how manky everything is. Sigh.