18 May, 2012

It's only right

Considering how I started the week with a trip to my GP to see if I could relocate my 'oh' it's only fitting that I should get caught in my car with a 12" chocolate mickey beside me on the floor!!
I had been asked to make a 'cock cake' (not feathered one but the male er, member) and said 'sure, yeah' why not?'  But then I saw the image of the cake I was being asked to make and bottled it.  I asked B if she wanted to do it herself but she said 'er, no thanks'.  Couldn't ring the client and say I'm chicken so I rang the lovely G and asked her to help out.  I think I may have begged, in fact I'm sure I begged.  Probably something along the lines of "Ah G,.  Please??  I can't make a mickey in front of the kids'  etc. etc.  I mean, if this had've been a jokey cake I would, no problem, but this is a male member.  A member SO male it looks like it's throbbing."  She's a lovely woman and she cackled and 'sure, yeah, go on'.
I sent her 'the full brief' via text.  Har har har.  Told Himself I wasn't going to do it as 'I couldn't get my hand around it'.  I told the client I'd hurt my wrist.  The puns just kept coming and coming . . . see??
So, cut to today.  Client lives in Sutton, GA lives in a different county.  We arranged to meet up and we could have a coffee and I'd pick up the cake, pay her and have a gossip.  On leaving I said "Jaysus, I hope I don't meet the gardai.".
But I did meet the Gardai.
They were doing some sort of Tax/NCT check.  I had the tax and the insurance but no NCT so they pulled me over (more puns!).  
"Do you know you have no NCT cert M'am?'
"Er, yes, but you see, I don't use this car (Himself does) and I'm selling it (I'm not) and I had to collect a cake because I couldn't make it as I hurt my wrist and the other cake maker lives in a different county and ......"
"(Silently) Shit"
"Yes.  It's in the box beside me." - I'm now the colour of this font!!
"May I see it?"
I lifted the  lid off the box and looked at yer man from under my eyelashes (like you do when you're feeling all coy and you've got a 12" chocolate cock in your car).  Yer man just looked at the cock, sorry, cake, looked at me, looked back at the cake and called someone over to er, look at the cock cake.
"Hurt your wrist you say M'am?  Snigger"
I was let go with a 'Go.  Seriously, go on, but get the car sorted or sell it!!.
I then, obviously illegally, rang GA and said 'I GOT STOPPED BY THE GUARDS!!!!"  She said, "NO FECKIN' WAY YOU DID, YOU'RE LYING!"  We went back and forwards like that for a while by which time I was home and hung up and told Himself and my baker B that I got stopped by the Guards and they had no choice but to believe me as I was still PUCE.

p.s. My brother says he's heard of people doing many things to avoid getting a traffic ticket but apparently it's the first time he ever heard of a woman showing a garda her 'lad'.


  1. I want photograhic evidence of this cock you speak of!

  2. Seriously?? Okay. Millie, it shocks me to hear you say that word. Type that word. Seriously lol.

  3. Millie, my friend, am going to email it to you. Was going to post it on page but . . bleugh. My blog is too pretty for such filth lol.