11 March, 2013

Oh dear, oh dear

I make cakes, you know that right? I also make cake toppers, for those who want to make their own cakes. Usually they are brides/grooms, the odd angry bird and the like.
Not so today. Today I had to make a funny penis. Yeah, you read that correctly, today I made a penis. Whilst nos. 1 and 2 were doing their homework. No. 3 was banished to the playroom, as was the Borrowed Boy.
First off, trying to get the colour right was an issue. But it was when I was rolling it into a sausage shape that the two at the table cottoned on to something odd being afoot. Ah Jesus, I only made a couple of quid for this topper and I reckon I'm going to have to put it towards therapy for the pair of them. They told me my "balls" were too even. It would seem that balls are not evenly balanced . . . I told them to feck off and do their homework and vowed never EVER to cake while they are around.
No. 2 said "....foreskin?" and I said, in a teeny voice "yes". They started to howl. No 1 pointed out that it didn't actually matter if the balls were the same size as they were now wearing ribbons and hey, who'd ever seen a penis with it's hands on it's hips??? Where did these kids come from?? I explained the er, white dreadlocks as er, white dreadlocks but no. 1 "hmhmmmed" me.
The funniest moment though was, no, not when I was smoothing it up and down, nor when I was making a mini willy but when I realised it had kind've collapsed a bit. I had to stretch it out by pulling it upwards and . . . feck . . . lots of therapy . . . and no. 1 shouted "Mam, turn on the heating, the poor thing is so cold it's shrunk"
I love owning boys.
p.s. boys, do NOT misremember this. It was a sugarpaste penis!!!!

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