08 June, 2014

The eldest chap

He's just turned 13 and the hair is oh, so cool.
He also has a smart phone now.  A tablet too.  All of which I have to keep an eye on, in my role of good mammy, to make sure he is safe and up to no devilment.
At least that was the plan.  
Two things happened in the last while.  I don't know who is more scarred, me or no. 1.

First thing:

He's not allowed to have anything that can be connected to the internet in his room when he goes to bed.  So, on one of the many occasions he broke that rule, I took the phone off him and brought it downstairs.  I really wish I hadn't.  I decided to flick through his many, I never knew there were than many, social network accounts and came across a picture of Himself.  Himself in the nude.  Himself in the nude lying sideways, you know how they do.  Imagine yourself lying on a bearskin rug, your lower leg stretched out, one leg bent and resting in front of the other leg. . . .  kind've like this:
Yeah, lying in the nude with the biggest schlong you have ever seen in your life!  Me and He looked at it and looked at it, Himself trying to work out when the photo had been taken and how no. 1 came to have it and me trying to work out "there's something not quite right here....'  Yer man's willy was waaaaaaaaaaaaay too big to be Himself's willy.  No offence to the man of the house but it was frickin' huge.  If you saw it coming at you you'd go white and bless yourself.  
Cackle, it turned out no. 1 and his mates had worked out how to superimpose peoples faces over those of porn stars. 
No. 1 got a bollocking, Himself still thinks that is what he looks like and me?  Well, sigh.  It was a mighty schlong.

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