Firstly, my eyebrows are killing me. Like, K.I.L.L.I.N.G me. I've no idea why. I did have to ask, on a cake forum, if anyone had er, noticed me falling over at Ger's surprise party. Funny thing is, I thought I was stone cold sober (what with the stress of timing the surprise and all) but, I guess, if you have to ask 'did someone see me fall?' I think it's safe to assume you might have been slightly hammered. Long story short, no one saw me fall but I still have a bruise across my forehead. Odd. Ger reckons she may have stood on them at some point . . .?
But er, yeah. Must have been the threading. You get this list of 'dos and don't' when you get your eyebrows threaded but I've not read it since I first got them done. Something along the lines of: no showering, no make up, no drinking, no sunbathing no . . . etc. etc. You don't get a list that detailed from the blood bank when you give blood.
The mind boggles and the eyebrows throb.
The second thing, and I'm only telling you this as a group of a select few reckon you'll wet yourselves. Plus, as someone who once told you about Gertrude's little accident it would be wrong not to show myself in such a light.
A radio show (no, not telling, don't want you listening back) rang and asked me to talk about Education in Ireland and I said 'yeah, sure'. So, on Monday morning at 9.50, I got a text from the station saying "you ready" to which I replied in the affirmative and legged it downstairs to get the house phone, better signal you see. The phone then rang and I was told to turn off the radio and wait for T. . sorry, the presenter to introduce the topic and then me.
That's when it went tits up. Whilst I was holding I was also trying to get dressed. But . . oh jesus . . . I had a tummy bug so ... the whole while I was taking to said T on the radio I was sitting, gulp, on the loo. In. The. Nude. Pooping - aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, trying not to poop actually.
Oh god! Mortified. Spent 10 minutes yapping very concisely as I was using the giggly part of my brain to stop my bum making noises. Ger reckoned you couldn't hear me 'straining' . . nice eh? Hahahah. There never is straining, love, when you have no control.
The funniest part was, Gertrude listened back and sent me a text "my favourite line Niamh was when you said "Are you sitting comfortably (I was about to really launch into anti Dept. of Ed rant) T, because I know I am". Cackle. I was sitting alright but there was nothing comfortable about it.
You know, my stomach feels a bit watery even as I type this.
