Let's talk about er, you know yourself.

I'm only telling you this story as my friend Karen nearly peed with laughter when I mentioned it to her the other night.  She said you'd all love it so, here goes.

A couple of months back we were all sat down to dinner.  I'm not sure how it happened but we've all got our dedicated places at the table.  Very Walton Mountain.  Anyway, as you look in towards the kitchen you will find no. 3 at the head of the table, no. 1 on his right hand side and no. 2 on his left.  I sit beside no. 2 and Himself beside no.. 1.   I like it, means I'm not the one hopping up and down getting whatever has been forgotten when the table was laid (Ha, I like that.  "Table laid" . . . yeah, no. 3 crashes some knives and forks down where people sit, with such good grace I never ask him to put out glasses).

We're all sat there and everyone is yapping away and I'm wondering how is this my life (in a good way) when no. 3 pipes up.  "I know how babies are made"  "Oh really?" says I.  "yeah" he said, "Me and no. 2 saw the book you bought no. 1 and we read it'"

Ahhhh balls.

Now, the book in question, is a cartoony, sketchy kind've book for 12 - 14 year old boys.  Though, my gut tells me 14 year old boys are far more advanced than that book lets on, but that is neither here nor there.  The book says things like 'testicles' are another name for your balls, scrotum, nuts, ball sack etc.  Quite informal stuff.  Also tells you that you really should shower more than twice a week and that you will get hairy, interested in girls, spots, tired and discover the joys of er, alone time.  Thankfully it doesn't spell out what that alone time entails or no. 3 would have us driven demented.

"Yeah', he says/  "The man puts his penis into the woman's vagina and th. . .  . ."

Cue no. 1 going 'ah, jesus' and no. 2 covering his ears and going lalalalalalalalalaalal.  Me?  I was torn between the two.  Himself just laughed and kept eating his dinner.  

Then, as no. 3 kept babbling on nd on he asked "but how does the penis go into the vagina????"

I think himself had an out of body experience or something because, before you knew it he had . . . jesus....

Okay, time for some audience participation here.  Taking your left hand, join your pointy finger and your thumb together to make a circle . . (you following me??  you blushing yet??) then, using the pointy finger of your right hand . . . yup,  slide your pointy finger into the circle and remove.

The kids nearly pissed themselves laughing.  I nearly died on the spot.  Himself went puce and rejoined our little world.

I don't know which of the five of us was more gobsmacked.  They pissed themselves laughing, I begged for a bit of . . . niceness, PLEASE?????

Needless to say, they still do it.  Just to wind me up.

I don't think either myself or Himself will ever be asked to give talks on, the other thing, you know yourself.

When did I blink?

Yesterday all of them, no. 2 in particular, got excited playing Little Big Planet and asked me to upload this to YouTube.  Their second video!!  Whilst doing that I remembered that we have 2 video cameras floating around and thought 'how much easier for them to make their movies' if I dug them out.  Right now they're using Himself's iPhone.  

Oh God.  I wish I'd left things as there were.

Found both cameras and inside each was a tape!  On one of the tapes #1 was about 4, #2 was approx. 15 months and #3 was approx. 4 months.  On the other tape we were in Disneyland Paris with nos. 1 and 2.  No. 3 got to stay and be adored by his nana and granddad.

Did I blink?

My babies have gone from that to uploading videos on YouTube in a blink of an eye.  

Christ but do I feel sad.  I'd forgotten how small and pudgy the middle one was and how squeaky the eldest one was.  I'm smiling at the memories but inside it feels like somethings after tearing.  Am such a sad old bint really.  

I blinked and 6 years have whizzed by.  It's true you know, when people tell you to stop wishing their childhoods away.  'Cos you do, 'if only they were over the crawling bit', 'if only they could feed themselves' etc. etc. 

No.  Time to stop.  Time to enjoy.  One day, you'll blink again and they'll have their own babies.  

A photo of the past in the present

Himself put me onto a great website.  It's called Dear Photograph and it was set up by a fella who realised that he and his family were poring over photos at the table where some of the same photos were taken years before.   He thought it would be cool to take a photo of the photo at the place where the photo was taken. 

I've been playing.  My family house doesn't exist anymore.  It was pulled down and rebuilt so I have to play with different shots.  Here's a few.  One is of my brother running down the street we grew up on, it was taken on his communion day.  The other is of the same brother's (the only brother) christening.  And the third if of my eldest son, #1, and his mate P.

Just remembered something from yesterday

I met up with a couple of friends yesterday and we were talking about the stuff we got up to as kids.  Holidays and the like.  I was telling them about how when we were kids my ma and Sheila, Mrs. Allan to you, would take us and Gwen, Mabel and Albie down to the strand, in Sandymount btw, during the summer.

No matter what the weather!

My ma and Sheila would never EVER take off their tights, American Tan, and would always have a flask of ready to drink tea  Yeah, they'd put the milk and sugar in before we left home.  Talking to Mabel today I found out that the flask still exists and still makes regular trips to Wexford.  We always had jam sambos and occasionally a packet of tayto. Once we had our picnic on the corner of Marine Drive and . . argh, can't remember, because it was too windy on the strand.  Mostly we played in the puddles because nine times out of ten the sodding sea would be miles past the shelly banks.  Where I nearly drowned.  Once.  Actually, make that twice.  Another story for another day.  I will tell you that the second time I nearly drowned I also learnt to swim!  As the saying goes "sink or swim", but even pooh floats as my mate said when I told her years later.

So, back to chatting to my pal yesterday.  She told me that every summer herself and her sisters would fight over who was doing the dishes in their dinky little, doll's house Caravan sink.  Their ma could wash the dishes at home with nary a one to help but once on holidays in the Caravan EVERYONE wanted to help.

She also told me that she had an aunt, though there may have been two aunts, that they'd go to the beach with as kids.  These women would always bring a shopping trolley loaded with picnic stuff.  Including delph.  And cornflakes!  And milk, in a glass bottle - this was before tetra burst into our 1970's lives.  But one time, it was bloody freezing and they were all sitting on the beach, wrapped in towels, shivering and trying to eat a bowl of cornflakes and all my friend can remember is every time she'd lift a spoonful of cereal to her mouth the wind would grab it and pull it off her spoon. Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh.  

That made me giggle for ages yesterday too.

Met Mabel today.  We talked about this and that.  And the flask and her ma, who will be 70 in November.  She also told me the great news that Albie and Aisling are expecting their first child.  

Love when you meet with the ones you grew up with.  They remember you when you were a speccy 6 year old who was convinced she was wonderwoman and they still love you.

Mabel, Me, Gwen and my baby, now pregnant, sister - Fiona on Sandymount Strand.  c.1980