An Idiot abroad??

We've all watched the Karl Pilkington programme of the same name, right?  Well, he has people telling him where to go and what to do . . . even if he doesn't like it.

Me?  Well I have a hopeless sense of direction and am heading to Sao Paolo in two weeks.  For my brother's wedding.

I'm freaking out.  Man.

Firstly, there's the getting to Amsterdam and making the correct connection flight.  What if they don't send my bags with the new connection?  What if I get bloody lost in the airport.  Did happen once in Dublin.  Got so lost that, on my to Manchester!!, I ended up going back through passport control.   As if I was coming IN to the country?  How the feck did I manage that?  Then I had to exit through arrivals before booting back into departures.  Never told anyone that before.

So then I get to Brazil.  I'm staying in a house with my bro and, when they arrive,  couple of his mates.  I cannot tell you how delighted I was to hear today that there are more Irish people coming to the wedding.  Even if they are all young enough to be my brother and are single.  And mental.  And probably not caring if i get lost when out with them.  Or not.

Sao Paolo is huge.  Bigger than London and has 20million, yup you read it correctly twenty million, people living in it.  It's so huge that the beach is 100's kilometres away.  I've never been further from the sea than . . I dunno, Birmingham City.  

I got lost once in London, leaving Himself in a Virgin Megastore (THE megastore I believe), got on a tube and stayed on it for 15 minutes.  Got off tube and wandered for a bit before getting bored and heading into another Virgin store.  Only to find Himself there.  I asked how he'd gotten there and he told me he'd never left.  HE NEVER LEFT!!!  I'd travelled for over an hour only to end up right where I started.  I'm going to be in Sao Paulo, bigger than London, only they don't speak English.  They speak Portuguese.  I can say hello and goodbye and thanks.  But only to women.  I can't remember how to say thank you to men, there is a difference  you know..  

It's a huge city and there is so much to do and see I'm feeling ill even thinking about it.  It's like that time, last year, when I finally got to go to the V&A Museum only to be so gobsmacked by the sheer size and volume of exhibits I had to sit down quietly and then, after checking out the gift shop, leave.

Apparently I don't need insect repellent but they have big, BIG, spiders.  Spiders with the name of 'The Wandering Spider'  WTF??  Mind you, they also have this cute little chap who is rather cute.  Only on video mind.  He looks like Carnival.

Food doesn't worry me as it's meant to be amazing and drink equally so.  But getting lost does bother me and I swear on Billy the Dog's favourite food bowl that if my brother loses me I'll hunt him down and . . don't know what I'll do to him yet but it will be something dramatic.

I don't want to come across as an oaf but I am genuinely nervous.  I love travelling but, here's the thing, I have always had Himself by my side.  Or Carol.  Both are good.  So to be travelling alone is terrifying.  

Actually, I did go to Istanbul and Urfa in Turkey with Eoin (the brother) before.  But there was Him, Michelle and the mental mother of one of my sister's friends.  PLUS, this is a big plus and therefore worthy of capital letters, I had nos. 1 and 2 with me which meant I had to be focused.  I mean, they trusted me not to get lost, even though we did, and it kept my head straight.

I have no one on this trip to keep my head straight.

Bugger, but I wish it were this day two weeks.  I'd be nearly there now. Okay, so I wouldn't be nearly there, but it would be Tuesday and that's nearly Friday.